


(Love Is) The Second Oldest Profession

by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, First Time Blow Jobs, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, I Feel Contractually Obligated to Say That, It makes sense I swear, Lovers to Friends, M/M, Mutual Pining, Porn Star AU, This Is Not How the Porn Industry Works, Yeah you read that right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:14:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28587813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/pseuds/letmetellyouaboutmyfeels
Summary: When Buck sees Eddie Diaz, new studio recruit, he thinks he's found the answer to his post-breakup slump. When Eddie meets Buck, he thinks he's found the ticket to a job that'll help him take care of his son.Neither of them think about feelings.This ends up being a miscalculation.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 64
Kudos: 357





	(Love Is) The Second Oldest Profession

**Author's Note:**

  * For [spinningincircles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spinningincircles/gifts).



> For the darling spinningincircles who asked for praise!kink, bottom!Eddie, and Porn Star AU. How could I resist?

Buck is good at his job.

Scratch that.

Buck is _amazing_ at his job.

He’s been nominated for two, _two_ AVN Awards, thank you very much, and he would’ve won last year too if it wasn’t for goddamn politics.

And because he’s amazing at his job, he hasn’t really given any thought to changing things up. Why ruin a good thing, right? Yeah, he had a bit of a slump after Abby quit because she no longer needed to make porn to pay for her mom’s medical bills so she opted to travel the world on her savings, but he’s back and better than ever. He even got Maddie a job as an editor.

There is absolutely nothing in the world that could kill his mood now.

“Who the hell is _that?_ ”

Except for the absolute ten-out-of-ten Hollywood Hunk putting a shirt on in the locker room.

Yes, they have a locker room. It’s where they keep all their personal items because if you leave shit in the changing rooms Athena refuses to be responsible for what happens to it.

Hen—who _did_ win last year, at the GayVN Awards—and Chim, their head of cinematography, smirk. They tend to smirk simultaneously. It’s kind of terrifying.

“That,” Bobby says from behind Buck, “is Eddie Diaz, new recruit.”

Buck turns around to see Bobby smiling in that casually disarming way of his that Buck does not trust one bit. “New recruit?”

“Lena brought him in,” Bobby explains. “We did the interview and photos just now, I think he’ll fit in great.”

Buck looks over at Eddie Diaz again. The guy’s abs are fucking unreal. Buck kind of majorly wants to lick them. Just a little.

“What were you planning with him?” he asks.

There’s a part of him that’s right to fight, ready to posture, a part of him that’s defensive and worried Athena has finally had enough and is replacing him. It’s the same part of him that whispers that he’s not good enough, that Abby was what made him so popular, and that without her he won’t ever be good for the studio or for a romantic partner.

“He said he was open to being with any gender,” Bobby begins. “So…”

All of Buck’s bristling stops as a whole new, much more fun possibility opens up in front of him with a chorus singing like all those entries to Heaven in cartoons.

“You’re pairing him with me?”

He can already feel his fingers running through that soft, dark hair, that stubble turning the soft skin of his thighs pink, holy shit yes. He’s always sort of known he liked guys, too, and he’d even talked with Bobby about possibly branching out into gay porn before Abby came along and turned his whole world upside down. He’s the best actor they’ve got, he’s the most popular guy on the site. Bobby’s definitely going to pair him with Eddie and then Buck can find out exactly what those biceps straining against the confines of Eddie’s shirt will feel like.

Hen snorts. “Put your eyes back into your skull, Buck.”

“What are you talking about?” Bobby asks, his tone completely deadpan and innocent. “I was going to pair him with Tommy.”

“Tommy?” Buck shakes his head. “No, no, no, you pair him with me, Tommy’s not gonna know what to do with him, let me have him.”

“Nothing says ‘sexy’ like a guy talking about you like you’re an object,” Hen notes.

“Frankly, Buck, I’m not sure you’re up to the task,” Bobby says. “You’ve never been with a guy and Eddie’s going to need someone to show him the ropes, ease him into it. Make him feel welcome.”

Buck is literally vibrating. “Bobby, I’ll make him feel welcome, I’ll make him feel _so_ welcome.”

Bobby blinks at him. “All right. Pitch to me. What are your thoughts.”

His thoughts? He has no thoughts. Aside from _please can I sit in his lap._ “I mean, you could do—you could do—oh man he’d be such a hot firefighter.” Buck’s mind is whirring. “A hot y’know repairman, a—a doctor, but in just the lab coat, he could be—oh oh oh could we do a cowboy?”

“There’s drool coming out of your mouth,” Chim says.

“That’s all jumping into the deep end of the pool,” Bobby points out. “Buck, I interviewed the guy with Athena. He seems like a great fit here. But he’s never done this before. Now, people like that aspect, they like the whole…” He pauses.

“Virgin thing?” Chim offers up.

Buck and Bobby groan simultaneously as Hen says, “You mean an antiquated and sexist notion that a person’s value is inherently tied to their celibacy?”

“It’s fun to watch someone experience something for the first time,” Bobby intercuts before she can really get going. “And it’s also fun for people to watch the experienced person be… considerate. Guiding. We’re all about fantasies, here, we give people what they don’t have in real life, and sometimes that means giving them the first sexual experience that they never had. I have no intention of letting you break the poor guy because you wanted to save a horse and ride a cowboy.”

“I can do it,” Buck promises. He convinced Bobby to let him partner with Abby. He can convince him of this. “I’ll be his guiding hand, I promise, I’ll do so well. The audience will love us.”

“We don’t even know if you two have chemistry,” Chim mutters.

“I don’t know,” Hen says consideringly. “Abby trained him well, Bobby, you gotta admit that.”

Buck can’t completely hide his wince at the mention of all… that… but Hen’s got a point. He wasn’t half as good at this until Abby took him in hand.

(Sometimes literally.)

“Let me handle him,” Buck says. “I swear, Bobby, give me—give me a week. I’ll show him all the ropes, I’ll polish up my own skill set…”

“You mean buy a dildo?” Chim asks sardonically.

“I can do this,” Buck insists. “Please. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

Bobby gives him a long look that Buck can’t decipher. After what feels like ten full minutes of silence, Hen adds,

“Oh come on, Bobby. He hasn’t been this excited about anyone in a year.” The _since Abby left_ goes unspoken. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Fine,” Bobby concedes. “But if he comes to me complaining about you, Buck, I’m pairing you with Lena.”

Buck splutters. “Lena doesn’t even like me!”

“Exactly.” Bobby walks away, undoubtedly to inform his wife and CEO about Buck’s latest stunt. “So you’d better do well!”

Oh, Buck’s doing to do well. He’s going to do Eddie Diaz.

* * *

Eddie’s still kind of on the fence about this whole thing.

Well, he’s more off the fence than on at this point. Bobby, the manager and one of the directors, was a really great guy. Solid, dependable, and not at all what Eddie had expected from a director of popular and (according to Lena) kinky porn.

“Yeah, I know, he looks vanilla,” Lena says when Eddie finishes getting dressed. “But you don’t get married to Athena Grant if you’re boring in bed.”

“So what happens now?” he asks.

“Well, you did the interview and the photoshoot, now I show you around the studio. Bobby usually does it but he thought you might prefer me.”

Eddie nods, nerves coming back. He needs this job—Christopher’s schooling and medical bills won’t pay themselves, and he needs to pay for childcare on top of that—and Lena makes _bank_. He can’t turn this kind of thing down.

But sex has always been really personal to him. He knows he’s hot, he knows he’s hotter than most people out there, knows how people look at him, knows how they want him… but he’s not sure if he can just—turn it on. Sex is intimate for him.

Maybe if there’s someone he really clicks with…

Lena links her arm with his. “So, here’s the locker room. We all share dressing rooms—the room you use Tuesday will have been used by someone on Monday—and there’s no lock on those doors so leave personal shit in the locker. Especially if you’re shooting multiple scenes a day.”

She leads him down a hallway, pointing out the dressing rooms. “This here’s the break room.”

A casually handsome Asian man is perched on the table, eating a donut and talking to a burly Black woman wearing glasses. Eddie recognizes her—that’s Henrietta. Lena’s acted with her a few times.

“That guy’s Chim,” Lena explains. “If it has to do with cameras, he’s our man. Dating Maddie, one of the editors—the gorgeous brunette over there.”

“Is everybody dating everybody around here?” Eddie asks.

“I’m dating someone outside the studio,” Lena points out.

“Yes, my son’s third grade teacher, don’t remind me,” Eddie replies, deadpan. He doesn’t really mind that Lena and Ana are dating, but it’s fun to tease Lena. They met when he brought Lena along for parent-teacher night since Shannon had just died and he hadn’t known how to get through it himself.

Watching Ana and Lena flirt for half an hour had been an unexpected but welcome distraction.

“And Athena’s ex-husband is an architect,” Lena adds.

“Ex?”

“Don’t ask. They’re good friends, though. And he and Bobby get along.”

“Y’know I’m not really here for… uh… personal, stuff. I like to stick to the professional.” He’s aware that’s kind of a bad joke given the whole ‘sex for pay’ aspect of this job. “Work stays at work, personal stays at home, that kind of thing.”

Lena snorts. “I said the exact same thing when I started here and now I’m in charge of planning Maddie’s baby shower so good luck with that.”

She waves to Chim, Henrietta, and Maddie, and then gives Eddie a peak of the various studios themselves. There sets kind of remind Eddie of soap opera sets, all set up and rotating ready for whatever’s needed that day.

“This is the prop room—don’t get anything out of there without permission or the crew will kill you and I won’t feel bad about it—and this is our editing room.” Lena pushes open the door and pokes her head in. “Heya Josh.”

Josh, a short man with the eyes of a violent baby deer and dark hair that looks like he’s been tugging at it in frustration, sits in front of a dozen screens. Eddie doesn’t even want to think about the amount of empty coffee cups stacked next to him.

“Well, well, well, I heard we had a new guy but I didn’t want to believe it until I saw it for myself.” Josh stands up and holds out his hand. “Josh, pleased to meet you.”

“Eddie, Eddie Diaz.” They shake hands. “Gotta say you’re the first person who hasn’t looked at me like I’m a fresh piece of prime rib.”

“I’m an editor,” Josh points out, sitting back down. “I see every version of these scenes a million times, it’s enough to make anyone celibate.”

“All the romance is gone, huh?” Eddie’s genuinely curious, for himself. “Do you just… y’know… naked bodies don’t bother you anymore?”

“Trust me,” Josh says with an air of supreme detachment, “after a while you just stop noticing it. I’ve seen Buck’s dick so many times it’s about as erotic as a loaf of bread.”

Eddie really has no idea what to make of this. “…gotcha.”

Lena finishes up her tour with a wave of her hand towards the back offices and then pointing out the bathrooms.

“Who’s Buck?” Eddie asks. “The guy Josh mentioned.”

“Evan Buckley,” Lena explains. “Stage name’s Buck.”

“Just the one word?”

“Cher and Beyoncé get away with it.”

“This guy is not Cher or Beyoncé.”

Lena snorts. “Around here he is. It’s hard to tell from the way he acts like a five-year-old on a sugar rush, but Buck’s the biggest star we have. He’s famous. I’m pretty sure Athena keeps him around because his videos pay for us to do our incredibly-well-lit queer porn without worrying about the bills.”

That was what convinced Eddie he could possibly do this. Lena’s talked a lot about the atmosphere here, about the women in charge and running the place, about the diversity and inclusion. She’s called these people her family, this building her home away from home, and Eddie… wants that. Needs that. Craves it.

Even if it is at a porn studio.

But hey, a woman-led incredibly-diverse porn studio is better than the three jobs he’s been working to take care of Christopher. Abuela and Pepa can’t watch him forever. Eddie’d risked everything by defying his parents and moving out here in the hopes that Shannon would return to them, and then Shannon got hit by a car and everything went belly-up.

This is kind of his last chance.

“So,” Lena says, leading him back to the now-empty break room. “What do you think?”

“Can I meet some of the actors I might be paired with?” Eddie asks. “I like the rest of it. Everyone seems great, it’s just…”

Lena nods. Sometimes it feels she knows Eddie better than he knows himself, which is why she and his sisters can never meet. “You want to know if you can see yourself liking them enough to put your dick in them. I get it.” Her gaze drifts to something over Eddie’s shoulder. “Don’t look now, but you’re about to meet one of them.”

Eddie spins around just in time to see the cutest wall of muscle he’s ever met walking into the room. Tall, blond, and with big baby blue eyes, he’s annoyingly Eddie’s type.

Not that Eddie’s really been able to think about his type since his high school not-boyfriend, before he met Shannon, but still, that guy had been blond and blue-eyed too, with that same puppyish smile.

“If it isn’t the big man on campus himself,” Lena says, folding her arms and smiling. “Buck, meet Eddie. Eddie, this is Buck.”

 _This_ is Buck. Well no wonder the guy’s keeping the lights on around here. His thighs are planning a prison break from his jeans and his mouth is obscene. Eddie’s teeth ache just looking at him.

Buck’s gaze rakes over him and Eddie can feel himself flush. He told Bobby he was equal opportunity, but it’s been years since he looked at a man, and almost as long since he felt anyone looking at him and wanted them to be doing it. Years since he wanted to feel wanted.

Lena must notice, because she smirks and says, “I’ll leave you two to get acquainted.”

She punches Buck in the arm as she walks past him, so hard that Buck winces, and then it’s just the two of them in the room.

Buck gives a smile that’s sinful and sweet all at once. Eddie’s knees go a little weak. “Want a donut?”

“I’m good.” Eddie leans back against the counter and tries to look nonchalant. He’s told he’s good at that. “I hear you’re the big star around here.”

Buck’s shoulders move back and then hunch a little, like he’s simultaneously preening and embarrassed. Eddie’s known the guy for not even a full minute and he’s already a mess of contradictions. It’s intriguing. It makes Eddie want to try unraveling him.

“Mmm, I guess you could say that.” Buck braces his hands back against the table, a few feet in front of Eddie. “I saw you earlier, man, and I gotta say, you could give me a run for my money.”

Eddie gestures at Buck’s, well, everything. “You sure about that? You’re not too bad yourself.”

Buck snorts. “I’m _interesting_. You’re _handsome_. There’s a difference.”

“Interesting, huh?” Is he flirting? Eddie can’t tell if he’s flirting, never mind if Buck is. He’s way out of practice.

Does he want to be flirting?

“Oh yeah. I’m fun.” Buck winks at him. “Real fun.”

“Who chooses who acts with whom?” Eddie asks, trying to keep his tone casual.

“You,” Buck replies simply. “Most of us have a list of people we like working with, or we’re okay working with, and then sometimes one or two people we absolutely will never work with. If there’s a new person, like from another studio or something, Athena always asks us before any contracts are signed. You’d think more places would be about consent, given the nature of the business, but Athena’s kind of special.”

Eddie nods, processing this.

“So,” Buck adds. “Bobby told me you were okay working with guys.” Everything, from his loaded voice to his darkening eyes to the curve of his body, is full of promise.

“I thought you just did women.” He doesn’t know a lot, but Lena’s mentioned that at one point, Eddie’s sure of it.

Buck shrugs. “Maybe I’m looking to do something new. Explore new horizons.”

“I’m not here to be anyone’s experiment,” Eddie points out.

He’s literally signing up to do porn and yet it turns out he’s still trying to cling to some shred of dignity.

“What if I’m your experiment?” Buck points out. He takes a step closer. “I’ve been where you are—nervous, wondering if this is a good decision, no idea how to perform for an audience.”

“Oh?” Eddie sticks his thumbs in his belt loops. “And did you find yourself a Mr. Miyagi?”

Buck snorts with genuine laughter. “No, I dove in head first like a dumbass. Luckily Bobby kept me from being _too_ stupid. So, uh, let me do for you what I wish someone had done for me. And I can learn how to be just as good with men as I am with women.”

This is followed by a playful _aren’t I so cute_ smile and a wink that Eddie tells himself are not endearing.

“So I teach you how to have sex with a guy and you teach me how to have sex on camera.” Eddie has to admit, it sounds like a fair deal. “And why should I do this with you?”

“Why, has someone else offered?” Buck’s cocky attitude slips and for a second he looks vulnerable.

“…no,” Eddie admits, because he doesn’t want to lie and because that look on Buck’s face does something to his chest, makes it go tight.

“I can be whatever you want me to be,” Buck promises. He takes another step, his chest brushing up against Eddie’s. “C’mon, don’t tell me you don’t have some fun little fantasies you haven’t been able to play out. That’s what I’m here for.”

He tilts his head and looks up at Eddie through his lashes, and it’s pretty damn compelling, Eddie has to admit. The guy’s hot _and_ cute, which is a decidedly deadly combination for Eddie’s self-control.

Then again, self-control doesn’t really have a place here, does it? Isn’t the whole point of this job to let go of that kind of thing?

He’s held himself on such a tight leash his entire life, the idea of letting go is both exhilarating and terrifying.

Buck gives a tiny little smirk, like he knows he’s got Eddie wavering, up against the ropes. “I could be the patient you give an intimate examination… the outlaw you bring in who teaches you the fun of being bad… the very, _very_ grateful guy you save from a fire…”

“I’m noticing a theme here,” Eddie says, and he’s proud of how his voice doesn’t get too rough, doesn’t betray him.

“Hey, we’re paid to roleplay, might as well pick the scenarios we’ll enjoy.” Buck winks at him and then, without warning, presses himself against Eddie completely, hands sliding up from Eddie’s elbows to his shoulders. “Take a look at my videos. Think about it. I promise I’ll make it all worth your while.”

“Mmm.” Eddie keeps his tone noncommittal.

“I can give you an in-person audition,” Buck offers. He’s still pressed up against Eddie and Eddie’s really struggling to keep his dick well-behaved.

“What would that entail?”

“Just this.” And Buck kisses him.

Kissing Buck is nothing like Eddie thought it would be.

Buck’s not aggressive. He doesn’t go for the tongue action right away, which is a mistake, Eddie’s found, that most men make (himself included before he was on the receiving end of it and went _oh ew_ ). Buck kisses him softly, lingering, and then slowly adds a bit of spice to it, dragging his teeth against Eddie’s bottom lip. He politely slides his tongue across the seam of Eddie’s lips, asking before entering, and when Eddie parts his lips because he’s a weakling and of course he does, Buck just teases a bit first, the tip of his tongue sliding in before retreating, repeating, until Eddie gets impatient and wraps an arm around Buck’s waist and takes care of matters himself.

They’re completely pressed together from ankle to shoulder, and he can feel Buck’s pants tightening, the swell of Buck’s cock against his thigh. Buck doesn’t move, doesn’t do anything about it, just sucks on Eddie’s tongue and then pulls away for lighter kisses that tug on Eddie’s lips and make soft, slick noises.

His own pants are feeling a little tight, to be honest. He’s never been kissed this thoroughly in his life.

He’s never felt _savored_.

Eddie’s hands find Buck’s shoulders and tighten around them as Buck slowly, deliberately kisses the underside of Eddie’s jaw, the tendon on his neck, the hollow of his throat, and then drags his lips back up the soft skin of his neck to kiss him again. Eddie welcomes him in without a second thought this time, slides their tongues together in a way he’s sure would look obscene to any viewer. The tiniest of moans sounds in the back of Buck’s throat, like it was trapped in his chest and almost escaped but not quite, and Eddie’s entire body throbs with want.

Buck pulls away, steps away, detaches them completely. He’s just close enough that Eddie can still feel the heat of him, but they’re no longer touching. “What do you think? Did I earn a callback?”

“Where’d you learn to kiss like that?”

Buck snorts, a smile lurking in the side of his mouth. “A former costar. She took me from good to great, honestly. Taught me all my best tricks.”

There’s a sense of bravado about Buck right now that Eddie didn’t feel two seconds ago, when they were kissing. Hmm.

“Like I said, watch my videos. You’re an employee so you get access to everything for free, Hen can show you how to set up your account. Let me know what you think.” The momentary bravado is gone, replaced by Buck’s genuine flirtation. There’s something oddly earnest about the way he says _let me know what you think_.

“I will,” Eddie finds himself saying.

Buck grins at him like it’s Christmas.

* * *

That night, after he’s put Christopher to bed, Eddie logs into his shiny new employee account on 118 LA Studios. It’s another thing Eddie notices and appreciates—a subtle name, nothing you’d hear and instantly go, _oh that’s porn_.

He won’t have to blush cashing his checks at the bank, and that’s always a plus.

Eddie scrolls through, notices the way you can narrow your search by clicking on one of the categories, and finally puts Buck’s name into the search bar.

Dozens of videos pop up. Wow. The guy really is the moneymaker of this place, Lena wasn’t kidding.

He grabs a notebook and a pencil, so he feels less creepy and more academic, as if that’s possible, and hits play on the top option that comes up.

Buck’s versatile. That’s the first thing Eddie notices. He’s both the guy who can toss the girl onto the bed and the guy who bends over for the naughty teacher for discipline (although Eddie’s attended far too many parent-teacher conferences for that fantasy to hold any appeal, nothing like discussing your son’s math scores to make the whole thing mundane as hell).

Eddie… likes that. Buck’s big, there’s no denying it, and while Eddie tells himself that he’s just looking into this to see if Buck’s a good match, if it’ll be worth Eddie’s time to take him up on this offer, his pants get tight at the thought of it being him, instead of the actress, that Buck’s using his weight to press into the mattress. If it was him who had Buck bent over, his fingers sliding over the curve of Buck’s ass, telling him if he counts out each strike he’ll get a reward.

The actress in the latter is one Buck acts with a lot, at least for roughly a year, and then she’s never seen again. Eddie doesn’t know her real name, although he’s sure he could get it from Lena or Hen, but she and Buck have the best chemistry, bar none. She’s older, but not by a crazy amount, and it’s clear that she and Buck genuinely like each other. There’s a connection between them that Buck just doesn’t have with the other actresses, fun as those videos are.

It's with her that Buck’s technique gains variation, his moves improving. _She took me from good to great_. Was this woman the one Buck had mentioned?

Their videos are the most popular hetero ones on the site. They were obviously a favorite for fans.

Then she’s gone. Eddie wonders what happened.

Still, questions about Buck’s past coworkers aside, Eddie ends his little research session with his pants more than a bit tight. He likes what he sees, and while he knows he can still back out, he doesn’t really want to, not if he could be paired with Buck. He has a feeling that being with Buck wouldn’t really feel like work at all.

And if he gets himself off in the shower afterwards thinking about those videos, well, that’s nobody’s business but his, and besides—he’s about to literally get off to Buck anyway so it’s no big deal. Or so he keeps telling himself.

The fact that he likes Buck’s smile in those videos, the way he goes from bashful to brash and then back again, the way he teases and pushes limits and smirks like he knows he can get away with anything—the fact that Eddie’s almost more into that than he is into Buck’s sexual prowess… that’s no big deal, either.

Really, it’s not.

* * *

Buck’s having lunch in the break room after shooting with Ali (she’s fun, professional, on loan from a studio in New York) when Eddie walks up to him, looking annoyingly attractive in a dark red and green plaid shirt, his hair fluffy and soft. Buck’s fingers itch.

“Okay,” Eddie says, and Buck chokes on his sandwich.

“Wait, really?”

“You offered, don’t sound so surprised,” Eddie replies, sounding amused.

Buck polishes off his lunch and stands up. “I, uh, wasn’t sure you’d actually say yes.” _I wasn’t sure I’d actually be good enough for you._

Eddie shrugs. “What can I say. You put your money where your mouth is. You’re the best on the site.”

Buck tells himself sternly that just because Eddie’s said yes doesn’t mean Buck gets to jump him here and now, right this second.

But he _really_ wants to.

“Okay.” He rubs the palms of his hands along his jeans. “I have my own place, would you like to meet there? Figured it’ll be better than starting out in the studio.”

And it really is his place now, thanks to Maddie nagging him and Ali agreeing to do him a solid and go look at apartments with him, so he wasn’t haunting Abby’s place anymore.

Eddie looks apprehensive, so Buck adds, “Unless you’d rather I went to your place.”

“No, no.” Eddie’s response is quick, too quick. “Your place is fine.”

Buck glances down. No wedding ring, but… “Are you in a relationship? Because I gotta tell you if you are and you haven’t told them that’s just going to blow up in your face.”

Eddie snorts. “Uh, no, I’m… I’ve got…”

He pulls out his wallet and then shows Buck the picture inside: a young smiling boy with curly hair and glasses. “I’m a father.”

“Whoa.” Buck takes a good look at the picture before handing it back, tells himself the way his heart’s racing is over relief and nothing else. “Cute kid. I love kids.” He has to stop himself from adding _and kids love me_.

“I love this one,” Eddie says, tucking the picture back into his wallet. “So, yeah, my house isn’t… great. But maybe it is great? He’s got CP so, um, I don’t like leaving him alone.”

“Have you looked into options?” Buck asks, and then winces. “Sorry, that’s none of my business.”

“Trust me, just looking at the paperwork makes me queasy,” Eddie replies, sounding exhausted.

The wheels in Buck’s head begin to turn. “Well, we can do your place or mine, I’m free any time if I’m not filming.”

“Your place,” Eddie says. “I’m sure my aunt can handle him for an extra hour or two.”

“I’m glad you didn’t say an extra twenty minutes,” Buck jokes, hoping to get them back onto more lighthearted ground.

Eddie raises an eyebrow. “Why, you thought I’d be done with you after only twenty minutes?”

…that’s the first inkling Buck gets that he might have bitten off more than he can chew.

* * *

Buck’s place is nice.

It’s _nice_. Million-dollar-salary nice. Maid-comes-twice-a-week nice. Next-to-an-organic-farmer’s-market nice.

If this is what the porn business can get you, Eddie’s starting to feel a little better about his choice, even if Mom will _literally_ murder him if she ever finds out.

(He told her he’s working crew for a TV production company and has just been hoping ever since that she won’t ask which show.)

“It’s kind of small,” he says out loud, because sarcasm is his default.

Buck laughs, cheeks going pink. “Uh, yeah. I wanted a nice neighborhood but not anything… who needs ten bedrooms, y’know?”

“Porn stars,” Eddie says, keeping his tone completely serious.

Buck bites the inside of his cheek. “Yeah, you’re right, for all the parties and orgies I’ll be having.”

“Just sleep in a new bedroom every night, work through ‘em clockwise.”

Buck braces his hand on the wall as he laughs, his entire body shaking. Eddie finds himself grinning hopelessly in response, unable to keep up his own deadpan attitude in the face of Buck’s infectious lightheartedness.

He can’t remember the last time he felt lighthearted.

“Okay, okay.” Buck straightens up and clears his throat, struggling to get serious. “So—you’re funny, I did not expect you to be funny.”

“Why not?” Eddie’s fucking hilarious.

“You’re sex on a stick, man, hot guys don’t need to be funny.”

“Maybe I need to be hot _and_ funny,” Eddie points out. “Just to be rude.”

“Trust me, it’s very rude,” Buck says, his voice going low and quiet, and Eddie’s spine starts to melt.

Buck clears his throat again and shakes his head a little, like he’s clearing it. “Okay. So, being funny is good, means you can banter.”

“Banter?”

“Yeah, y’know, flirt with your scene partner. Viewers love that. That’ll always start the scene. Like…” Buck looks around like he’s hoping inspiration will jump out at him, then claps his hands together and looks back at Eddie. “Like if you’re the plumber, right? Who’s come in and…”

“I think you literally just chose the most cliché scenario possible,” Eddie points out.

Buck takes his hand, threading their fingers together, and now it’s Eddie’s heart that’s melting. “Work with me here, handsome. So you’d go into the kitchen, right?”

He leads Eddie there, then lets go of Eddie’s hand. Eddie feels oddly cold as a result. “This part’s the hardest, where you have to just… say your lines and make them sound natural.”

“Saying lines is harder than fucking someone you might not like?” Eddie replies.

“Aww, Eddie.” Buck saunters up to him and looks up at him through his lashes again. “You saying you don’t like me?”

“No, I do,” Eddie blurts out, and then winces at himself. _Way to sound like an idiot, Diaz_.

“Lucky me.” Buck goes to the fridge and pulls out two beers. “This is the part where you’re gonna get antsy. You’re going to want to rush to the sex part, because if you’re making out and fucking then you don’t have to think about the cameras or how stupid your voice sounds. Don’t. Rush.”

He opens the beers and hands one to Eddie, who takes a grateful sip.

“Let it linger. Let it build.” Buck leans back against the counter and takes a sip of his own beer. His gaze glances down to Eddie’s waist, lower, and Eddie can feel himself swelling a little.

He’s going to fuck this man. Or maybe not fuck, but—something. Kiss him, at least.

 _Teach_. He’s going to teach Buck all about sex with another man.

Eddie sips at his beer and lets himself look at Buck—really look at him. He takes in Buck’s thick thighs, his broad chest, his height.

Yeah, he’s more than happy to teach Buck.

“When do we know it’s been long enough?” he asks.

“When Bobby tells you we’re burning daylight,” Buck replies. “Even though we film inside so it’s all artificial lighting.”

He winks and sets his beer down. Eddie does the same with his.

“How do I know if I’m doing it right?”

It slips out of him, here on the brink of it, one step before the point of no return. The fear. The fear that… that just like for his parents, just like for his wife… he’ll fail.

Something about Buck settles, becomes softer and more solid at the same time. For once, he’s not minutely bouncing up and down, like his feet can’t fully touch the ground.

“Because I’ll tell you,” Buck replies. “Because I know you got this. And I’ll tell you, that you’re doing it right. That you’re doing well.”

“And… what if I’m doing poorly?” _What if I’m failing?_

Buck snorts in disbelief and erases the distance between them, just as he did the other day in the break room.

“You won’t do poorly,” Buck states, his hands fitting themselves around Eddie’s hips. “Nobody who kisses like you do will do poorly in this.”

He says it so earnestly that Eddie actually believes him.

Especially when Buck immediately kisses him afterwards.

* * *

Buck doesn’t understand how Eddie can have a lack of self-worth, a worry about his own performance, not when he’s got Eddie pressed against the counter and Eddie’s tongue in his mouth.

Sure, Buck’s met plenty of beautiful people who are all looks and no substance in the sex department. A person’s looks aren’t as much of an indication of their sexual skills as many might think. And Eddie is… very beautiful.

But he also kisses Buck like he’s trying to restructure Buck’s atoms and Buck is seriously tempted to put a MINE, DON’T TOUCH sign on Eddie in case any of the other actors at the studio start getting ideas.

“You got tested, right?” he asks, because it’s ingrained by now. A lot of scenes forego condoms so if you own a uterus you’re on birth control, and everyone has to get tested regularly. It was kind of embarrassing at first, but now Michael’s dating the doctor the studio uses so now it’s just fucking hilarious.

Eddie nods. “I haven’t been with anyone since… my wife died about a year ago. I haven’t been with anyone since.”

“Well I’m clean so. We can do this with condoms, if you’d prefer, or we can go without, if you want to get a feel for how it’ll be on camera. People like mess.”

Eddie gets a judgmental look on his face. “Why.”

“Don’t ask me, bro, I’m paid to be pretty, not a psychologist.” Buck tugs him back in and kisses him again. “If you’re with someone shorter, you take a hand to the back of their head and angle it like… this…”

He suits the action to the word, sliding his fingers through Eddie’s hair ( _finally_ ) and tugging his head a little, tilting it.

A low rumble sounds in Eddie’s throat and Buck forgets how to breathe for a second. “Makes sure the camera can get their face and you’re in your light,” he murmurs.

Eddie’s hair really is as soft as it looks. Buck kind of wants to just spend a few minutes petting it.

“Without,” Eddie says, which confuses him until Eddie adds, “Might as well get used to it, right?”

That really should not make Buck feel so hot but here he is. Hot and bothered. He’s so done for. “A-all right then. So, we start with some making out in Location A. For us right now that’s the kitchen.”

He tightens his grip on Eddie’s hair and Eddie full-on _growls_. Buck’s cock fuckin’ jerks in response. “Good, yeah, that’s perfect. Do that.”

Eddie blushes adorably from the praise, his cheeks getting a dusky pink glow, but just nods as Buck holds him in place to kiss him.

“The seducer—that would be me in this case—it’s almost always the guy when it’s a guy and a girl just so you know but Karen likes to flip things if you’re ever being directed by her—will say shit like…” Buck tugs Eddie’s head back to kiss down his neck and grinds slowly against him.

Fuck, Eddie’s hard, Buck can feel it through the fabric. And if Buck’s judging the tent in his pants correctly, Eddie’s… substantial.

Buck gets a sudden image of Eddie feeding that cock into his mouth and just about goes blind with lust. If he was in any doubt here that he swung multiple ways, this would be the clincher.

“Yeah, you like that, don’t you?” he murmurs on instinct, letting his voice drop down a few notes.

Eddie grinds against him, moves with him, so smoothly that Buck’s tempted to ask if it’s really been a year since he last had sex. He’s reporting Eddie’s hips to the police, they’re illegal.

“Mm, good,” he praises, and it’s instinct, honestly, saying what he always says, just showing Eddie what kind of lines to say for his own partner when the time comes, but Eddie shivers and Buck feels like he’s found a hidden switch.

A switch he plans on flipping all day long.

He slides his hands up underneath Eddie’s shirt, finally gets to properly touch those muscles he’s been privately drooling over, and _fuck,_ Eddie’s muscles are just as firm to the touch as Buck had thought, his skin warm and velvet soft. It’s not just his abs, either, but his back, his shoulders, all of him, coiled and molded strength that Buck wants to mark.

“Don’t be afraid to get bold,” Buck encourages, when Eddie just kind of keeps his hands on Buck’s hips and doesn’t do anything more. “People like it when you take initiative.”

Eddie’s hands slide around, underneath Buck’s jeans to his ass, and squeeze. Buck jerks his hips forward, pressing their clothed cocks together, and he chokes on his next inhale.

“Like that?” Eddie asks, all perfect innocence.

The guy’s lucky he’s so damn pretty.

“Yeah, like that, fantastic,” Buck replies, and the pleasure of watching Eddie flush again makes up for how Buck feels like he’s scrambling.

He pulls Eddie’s shirt up and over his head, because this he can do—groping and making out, yeah, that doesn’t really depend on a particular gender.

There’s a moment of hesitation where he goes for where breasts usually are, finds nothing, and tries to move his hands down to Eddie’s stomach like nothing happened, but Eddie chuckles and catches him real damn quick. “Nipples are still nipples, Buck.”

He grabs Buck’s shirt and lifts it off before Buck can even process it, and then hooks his leg between Buck’s, wrapping his ankle around and neatly flipping them so Buck’s the one against the counter.

“If you do that on camera,” Buck blurts out, “Bobby will love you forever.”

“If it gets you to blush, I’ll do just about anything,” Eddie says, and it sounds earnest—the guy’s a way better actor than Buck gave him credit for.

“Fuck, you’re perfect,” Buck breathes out as Eddie pulls the head tilting trick on him and kisses his neck. “Athena’s going to buy us all champagne when she sees your dailies.”

Eddie thrusts, a slow, deliberate roll of his hips, up into Buck in response to the praise. Buck’s never going to stop complimenting the guy if this is the kind of reaction he gets.

“I have a good teacher,” Eddie notes, and then he moves his mouth further down to Buck’s nipples.

 _Oh_.

“See?” Eddie pulls away, smiling all teeth like a wolf. “Still sensitive even if they aren’t breasts.”

“You should get your mouth insured,” Buck manages, feeling like if he tries to move he’ll collapse. He feels like he was just tasered but in a sexy way.

Eddie bursts out laughing and steps back. He’s got dimples when he laughs, Buck realizes. Dimples and his cheeks go round and his eyes light up and he glows.

Buck kisses him. He has to. He can’t not.

He likes this part, when shooting. The press of skin on skin, the soft glide of their bodies together. It’s always over too fast as they move onto the next part, the actual fucking, and Buck feels like he’s the only person who ever cares about this part. It’s possibly the biggest thing he misses about sex with Abby, when they were alone in her apartment.

Eddie, thank fuck, isn’t in a rush. He lets Buck press them together and relish in that skin-to-skin contact as much as he wants.

They do have to move on, though, eventually. Buck can hear Bobby in his head yelling _you’re not paid by the hour, Buck_.

“Next,” he murmurs, “we escalate and move to Location B. That’s usually the bed. Sometimes a couch or a desk.”

One time it was a table, and then he and Taylor broke the table, and Bobby said he was never again letting anyone fuck on a piece of furniture that wasn’t reinforced.

“How do we get there?” Eddie asks. He moves his hand down to Buck’s ass again and uses that grip to guide Buck into a thorough, slow grind.

If Buck’s not careful, he’s going to come right here in his pants from humping Eddie’s thigh like a teenager. “Karen’s big on consent so she’ll have me take the girl’s hand and lead her, give me a line about asking if she wants to take this further. Bobby prefers the whole… can’t keep your hands off each other as you stumble blindly thing.”

“Think you can keep your hands off me?” Eddie asks. Fuck, he is picking this whole improv thing _fast_. Buck hopes he’ll be comfortable enough on camera to repeat it because this is gold.

“No,” Buck replies honestly. He gets a little daring and drops his weight enough to get eye level with Eddie’s chest and scrape his teeth over one of Eddie’s nipples, swirling his tongue around it.

The choking sound Eddie makes is _very_ satisfying.

“I’d be an idiot to let go of you,” Buck adds, coming back up to standing.

He’s a little worried he means that more than just in this moment.

They manage to make it to the couch, since Eddie undoes Buck’s pants along the way and Buck’s coordination is already kind of shot. He sits down heavily and Eddie crawls right into his lap like he’s bought the property.

“Let’s start with the basics,” Eddie says, and then he pulls Buck’s cock right out of his pants and Buck spreads his legs like, well, like a porn star.

“You ever done this with another guy?” Eddie asks, like he’s asking about Buck’s shopping habits and not fondling Buck’s dick at the same time.

“Never—never done anything,” Buck admits. He’s already leaking, Christ, what is this, his first shoot?

“It can be a bit awkward at first,” Eddie says, stroking him. “The different angle. But you get used to it, just gotta practice.”

“Y-yeah, yeah, yeah,” Buck says, trying to respond to Eddie’s notes while also staring at the sight of his cock sliding in and out of Eddie’s fist. Eddie’s hands are big, strong, lightly tanned, different from any woman Buck’s been with and he’s kind of losing his mind over it.

“It’s easy once you get the angle right, though,” Eddie continues. “You just do to your partner what you like for yourself.”

He rubs his thumb in a deliberate circular motion up against the underside of Buck’s cock, against the glans, and Buck spurts, stars exploding behind his eyes. “ _Fuck_.”

“I think we should work up to that,” Eddie notes.

Buck’s voice cracks on a laugh. “Yeah. Yeah. Um. Just so you know—”

Eddie strokes down, twists his wrist and strokes back up. Buck chokes on his own spit and has to start over.

“Just so you know, we don’t really linger on hand jobs. If we need a fluffer we’ll get one but generally—it’ll be just a couple quick strokes before moving onto a blowjob or the actual fucking.”

“Good to know.” Eddie nods like he’s in a class and taking notes in his head for the upcoming midterm. “But if you think we’re doing actual fucking this first time around I’m going to disappoint you. We’re taking this slow.”

“I don’t mind a little teasing,” Buck says, internally wincing at how pathetically eager he sounds. “You saw the video where I got tied to the bed right?”

Eddie looks kind of like he’s been hit in the back of the head with a sledgehammer. “Right.” He lets go of Buck’s cock and then slides in closer and lines their cocks up together, stroking them both at once, and Buck’s head falls forward onto Eddie’s shoulder.

Holy _shit_.

He’s never felt anything like that before. The feeling of his cock against Eddie’s, he can’t even describe it, it’s soft and slick but also that hard friction he needs to rub against but it’s _precise,_ and there’s something really—dirty and primal about it, and he thought he was way too jaded to lose his mind over a handjob but here he is, losing the remains of his goddamn mind.

“How’m I doing?” Eddie asks. His voice is low and rough, intimate, his stubble scraping along Buck’s neck, his temple, and Buck honest to God whimpers.

“Amaze— _fuck_.” Eddie’s twisted his wrist and Buck squirms, ruts up against Eddie’s cock, into Eddie’s hand, helpless.

“Amazefuck, never heard that word before.” Buck’s pretty sure he’d cross oceans for Eddie’s soft, warm chuckle. “But I was kind of promised some education here.”

Instructions, right, he’s supposed to be, uh, instructing, Eddie. “Noises,” he manages. “Viewers like—they like it when they can hear you—”

“Um…” Eddie pauses, like he’s thinking, his face adorably screwed up, and then lets out an absolutely awful fake groan.

“No no no no.” Buck laughs and covers Eddie’s mouth with his fingers. “Shh—no, what, you can’t fake sex noises any better than that?”

“No? I haven’t had to?” Eddie looks frustrated and that’s just not gonna do.

“Look, if you can’t fake it, that’s fine, um… can you… do you talk?”

“Talk.”

“Yeah.”

Eddie tilts his head to the side consideringly, and then a wicked look enters his eyes. “Yeah. I think I can manage that pretty well.”

Buck gets the distinct impression that he’s in trouble—the good kind.

“What do you like to hear?” Eddie asks. His strokes are firm, steady, but not speeding up—giving Buck enough to keep him up to his neck in pleasure but not enough for him to properly drown in it. “That you look pretty when you blush? That I want to bruise that mouth of yours? That your arms are obscene?”

“You’re obscene,” Buck manages. “Have you seen you? Fuck—what the fuck are you doing with your wrist—”

“Just keep watching,” Eddie instructs. As if Buck could possibly look away. “You’re so goddamn eager, makes me eager, the things I want to teach you, do to you—I think you’d take my cock really well, I think I could make you beg for it—”

“I would,” Buck promises. “I will.”

Eddie groans, eyes black, mouth open, and finally speeds up his strokes, lets them both chase their orgasm. “You're pretty enough to ruin, wanna mark you up—

"I'd let you," Buck admits. He'd let Eddie do just about anything.

"C’mere," Eddie urges. No, orders. "C’mere—” He grabs Buck’s hand and wraps it around their cocks, placing his hand over Buck’s to guide him.

Buck’s never been so goddamn hard in his life. Or so wet, he’s leaking like a faucet. “Like—like this?”

“Yeah.” Eddie’s thrusting up into Buck’s touch and Buck feels absurdly proud about that, even though he’s only doing what Eddie’s hand guides him to do. Their fingers are almost but not quite interlocked, and somehow that makes it all so much hotter. “Yeah, like that.”

“Fuck, Eddie.” He can’t stop talking. It seems like neither one of them can. “You’re—swear to fuck—hottest person I’ve ever seen, Christ, I wanna lick you all over—”

Eddie makes a noise like he’s been punched and comes, all over Buck’s hand.

Buck orgasms instantly, weak from it, weak from watching Eddie.

They rest together, foreheads pressed to one another, and Buck stares at their softening cocks in his hand like it’s some kind of revelation.

Maybe it is.

They clean up in silence afterwards. Buck opens up the windows to let the space air out. Eddie seems a little embarrassed, a little awkward, and Buck wonders if he’s rethinking this entire thing, if he’s going to tell Bobby this isn’t for him and walk away.

Buck really hopes that’s not the case.

“Everything okay?” he asks, trying to sound supportive and casual.

“I can’t believe I said all that shit,” Eddie murmurs, his face bright red. “I’m not usually—much of a talker, at anything.”

“No, no, oh my God.” Buck nearly trips over himself in his rush to cross to Eddie. “You were—that was fantastic, okay, you’re brilliant, you’re a natural.” He rubs his hands up and down Eddie’s arms, soothing him. “Seriously, I came so much quicker because of your dirty talk, it’s kind of embarrassing for my stamina.”

Eddie snorts in amusement and bumps their noses together. “Thanks.”

“Anytime.”

He pulls back before he does something stupid like offer to cuddle. “Hey, uh, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“And what’s that?” Eddie’s tone is easygoing but his posture is wary.

Buck grins as his phone chimes with a text. _I’m out front_. “I asked someone to come over, someone I want you to meet.”

Eddie looks completely confused as a knock sounds at the door. Buck jogs over, pulls it open, and grins. “Hey, Carla!”

Carla, an absolute angel, hugs him. “Buckaroo, it’s been far too long. I love this new place!”

“Thanks, it’s Maddie-approved.” Buck leads her in. “Eddie, this is Carla. Carla, this is Eddie.”

He doesn’t mention that Eddie’s a new coworker. That’s not his business to share.

“Carla, here,” he explains, “is the best social worker in the city. She’s here to help you get Christopher into a good school.”

Eddie stares at him in obvious shock for a moment, then yanks Buck into the tightest hug Buck’s ever had.

* * *

When he mentioned what was up with Christopher—Eddie never imagined that Buck would do something like this.

He’s been upfront with Bobby about his child’s needs, and he wouldn’t be surprised if Lena told Bobby a little more than that. News seems to travel fast at the studio, seeing as everyone’s dating everybody, or related, or something. He wonders how much Buck’s put together.

But still. Nobody’s ever… people either let him drown on his own and judge him for it, or try to do his job for him. Nobody ever just gives him the tools to do it himself. Nobody ever trusts him like that.

So he hugs Buck. Hugs him more tightly than he’s hugged anyone in years. When Buck’s arms come around him to hug him back, Eddie feels something inside of him settle. Like something’s telling him it’s safe to put his load down, at least for a little while.

“Thank you,” Eddie says, mouthing the words more than saying them. “Really. Thank you. You can have my back any day.”

Buck shrugs, doing that cute-bashful smile where he looks at the ground and then back up at Eddie, the kind of smile that Eddie’s quickly realizing he’d do just about anything to see. “Or y’know, you could have mine.”

“Deal.”

“All right,” Carla says, pulling out various papers from her purse and organizing them on the table. “Let’s see what you’re working with. Besides that perfect bone structure.”

Eddie forces himself to step away from Buck before he does something stupid like kiss him, and goes to sit with Carla.

For the first time in a long time, he feels like maybe he can actually succeed.

* * *

“So, what’s really going on with you two?” Carla asks when all is said and done with Eddie.

Eddie, who looked relieved and delighted when Buck had explained who Carla was. Eddie, who listened solemnly to everything Carla told him, and took notes. Eddie, who crushed Buck to him in a tight hug and whispered _thank you_ into Buck’s neck.

“Nothing,” Buck replies. “He’s a new coworker, that’s all.”

“Oh, so you wrapped around him like a Burmese python at the end there, that was just friendly.”

Buck gives her his sternest look. Carla was the nurse for Abby’s mom. She knows better than anyone what happened to Buck when Abby left. She saw it up close. “It’s nothing. We’re just coworkers.”

“Mmhmm.” Carla pats his arm consolingly. “And I’m the Queen of Sheba.”

Great. Just fantastic.

* * *

He doesn’t see Eddie for a few days after that. Bobby is generously letting Eddie inform him when he’s comfortable with starting work, but Buck’s filming back-to-back this week, so they haven’t really had time to continue their… joint education efforts.

Then on the last day of filming, he bumps into Lena as he exits the bathrooms (which have showers that make up for in temperature what they lack in pressure).

“Buckley.” Lena leans against the wall and folds her arms and Buck is instantly reminded that he once saw her knock someone out in one punch when they were all out for karaoke night and some idiot tried to get handsy. “How’s things going with Eddie? He’s a real great guy, isn’t he?”

Buck shoves his hands into his pockets. “I know he’s your friend, Lena. I’ll be good to him, I promise.”

Lena gets out her phone and starts idly playing with it. “I sure hope so. And I hope you know what a hit you’ve scored. How lucky you are. Everyone at this studio wants a piece of him and they’d be more than happy to be his shoulder to cry on if you mess with him, you understand me?”

“I under…” Buck’s sentence dies in infancy as Lena hands him her phone, which is open to her photos.

“What the fuck is this?” Buck doesn’t—he does not _squeak_ , all right?

“Oh, those?” Lena smirks. “Those are the pictures I took to send to Bobby to convince him to interview Eddie for the job. Eddie knows MMA.”

Buck stares at the photos—Eddie, shirtless, wearing jeans slung so low on his hips it’s obscene, casually wrapping his hands like he’s getting ready for a match. The lighting’s perfect, the sunlight warm, making Eddie’s skin glow golden and casting soft shadows that hood his eyes and highlight his soft dark hair, his sculpted muscles, his perfectly thick stubble.

“I have to go,” Buck blurts out, shoving the phone back at Lena and hurrying out of the studio.

“You are _so_ lucky Christopher’s at school,” Eddie says when he opens the door to find Buck standing there.

Buck’s about ready to crawl out of this skin. “Teach me how to blow you.”

Eddie stares at him. “What? Now?”

“Oh my God.” Buck grabs him and pushes him inside, kicking the door closed behind him, and kisses him the way he kisses his scene partners when Bobby’s told him to seduce through sensory overwhelm, through pure unrestrained lust.

Eddie grabs him by the shoulders, whirls him around, and pins him to the wall—but he doesn’t step away.

He kisses him back just as passionately.

“Lena showed me—your pictures—the ones with— _fuck_.” Buck arches shamelessly as Eddie tugs a mouthful of Buck’s throat between his teeth.

“Oh, those?” Eddie chuckles. “We filmed ‘em in my abuela’s backyard.” He flicks his tongue against Buck’s pulse point, and when he next speaks, Buck can feel the brush of Eddie’s lips against his skin. “You like ‘em?”

“I want your dick in my mouth _so_ bad,” Buck moans.

Bobby always says he’s shameless. Anywhere else that would be an insult. In their industry? It’s a compliment.

And it’s sure working out in his favor right now.

Eddie swears and pulls back. “You really don’t waste time, do you?” He shakes his head ruefully, but Buck sees the smile lurking around the edges of his mouth. “All right, sailor, you want to just—go at it?”

“You’re supposed to be _teaching_ me.” Buck pouts. He’s very good at pouting. “And I’m a natural. It can’t be that hard. Dicks are easy.”

“Easy, huh?” Eddie slides his hand down Buck’s chest and toys with the waistband of his jeans. Buck’s cock jumps like a puppy trying to get petted. “Sounds like a challenge. Why don’t I give you a demonstration, and we’ll see how well you hold up, huh?”

Buck swallows. God his throat’s dry. “Uh-huh.”

Eddie takes his hand, and Buck remembers how he took Eddie’s hand the last time, how he was the one to lead him through his apartment—and now it’s reversed, and Eddie’s taking Buck to a cute but cluttered living room with LEGOs all over the floor and a child’s drawings in a pile on the coffee table.

“Oh my God.” Buck picks up one of the drawings. One is of a stick figure marked DADDY wearing a superhero cape and putting out a fire on a building with water breath. “This is adorable. Your kid’s adorable.”

“You haven’t even met my kid,” Eddie points out, plucking the drawing from Buck’s fingers and then pushing Buck back onto the couch.

“I don’t need to meet him to know that he’s adorable,” Buck replies as Eddie… sinks to his knees, okay, okay okay okay they’re doing this—

“Remember to give me instructions on how to do this for the camera,” Eddie says, and then he’s thumbing open Buck’s jeans.

His breath is warm and tantalizing as he noses Buck’s shirt up, like he’s enjoying just feeling Buck’s skin with his fingertips.

“Anticipation, yeah, good,” Buck manages. “Karen and Bobby are both always yelling at me to slow down, if you can get them to tell you to speed up you’re doing it right.”

“Karen?” Eddie asks, slowly drawing Buck’s cock out of his jeans.

“Hen’s wife, another director.” Buck’s glad that Hen taught him breathing exercises to help him with his stamina, because they’re all he can cling to right now.

“Everyone at this place is dating each other,” Eddie mutters, and then he swallows Buck’s cock.

Yeah, fuck the breathing exercises, there’s nothing that can save him now. Eddie’s working Buck’s cock like he’s on a countdown, swallowing and humming in a planned rhythm as he moves up and down, and—oh _holy_ —Buck’s never had a blowjob this good—holyfucking—

“Oh my God,” Buck blurts out, because what is Eddie doing with his tongue, what the _fuck_ is this bullshit, he’s—oh JesusfuckingChrist— “Ed—Eddie, you gotta—I’m gonna—fuck fuck _fuck_ you gotta s… slow down _Jesus_ …”

Eddie pops off his cock with a lewd noise that has Buck spurting a little. Eddie licks it off considerately, which doesn’t help matters. “Why would I slow down?”

“You can’t—we gotta—” Breathing, Buck knew how to do that once. “We can’t get off too fast, man, we gotta put on a show, nobody wants to watch a video that’s only a minute in length.”

“Mm, I don’t know, I think I’d like to watch a guy get a blowjob good enough it only takes him a minute to get off.”

“They’re going to say I couldn’t hold it,” Buck laughs. “They’re not going to say you have magical dick sucking powers.”

“But I do have magical dick sucking powers,” Eddie replies, so absolutely deadpan that Buck almost can’t tell that he’s joking.

He’s going to have to persuade Bobby that they can use more humor in their videos because there is no way Eddie’s not going to make him laugh so hard he gets stitches. “Okay, I’m just—tease, okay? Tease a little. It’s not a race.”

Eddie goes a little pink in the face. “Uh. The only other times I’ve—given one of these, it kind of was a race.”

Buck can fill in the blanks on that. On where and when, on the fear that gave it all an extra hot thrill but also made you sick with panic in the pit of your stomach. “It’s not a race now. And you’re—you’re amazing. I kinda want to savor that.”

Eddie’s eyes do that dark and hot thing again that makes Buck want to spread his legs and whine. “You want me to savor you?”

Buck’s entire mouth goes dry. “Please.”

Eddie lowers his mouth back onto Buck’s cock and ohhhhh holy mother of _God_.

Buck’s fingers manage to pry themselves off the couch and slide into Eddie’s soft hair. Eddie growls in approval when Buck tugs, and the vibrations from that have Buck’s hips jerking.

Eddie’s hands immediately pin his hips back to the couch, coiled muscles flexing, and Buck couldn’t throw Eddie off if he tried.

Jesus Christ this is the hottest thing that’s ever happened to him.

He wants to keep watching Eddie, watch that dark head and those slick lips bob up and down on his cock, but it’s too good, too fucking much, and he falls back onto the cushions, staring up unseeing at the ceiling.

Eddie’s mouth makes a vacuum around Buck’s cock and _sucks_ , his tongue rolling against the slit at the head, and Buck makes a hugely undignified noise. Oh God oh God oh God—

Eddie pulls off.

Buck’s not entirely sure he remembers how to breathe. “Wha…”

“Hey, you said not to make it over too quickly,” Eddie points out. He noses down to the base of Buck’s cock, licks at the base, tugs lightly on his balls. “And I’m supposed to be instructing you, right?”

Eddie presses a finger up against—some spot right behind Buck’s balls, and Buck _jerks_. What the _fuck_ is that.

Eddie massages and Buck whines. Eddie smirks. “What, never had anyone do this before?”

“The—the bl—fuck, fuck—when we film it’s usually—they want me to hold the girl still and I just thrust into her mouth y’know it’s a—a control—thing Jesus Eddie fucking—” He can’t fucking _think_.

“Hmm.” Eddie seems to have some strong opinions on this matter. “Well, now you know, rub right here…”

He presses up and in and Buck swears he hears God.

“…it’s pretty fun.” Eddie’s tongue flicks out and runs slowly over his bottom lip. Buck wonders idly if he’s died and this is just his torture in the afterlife. “Especially when you do it at the same time as this.”

He sucks on the head of Buck’s cock, focusing all of his attention right there while his fingers keep moving, and Buck nearly rips the couch cushion clawing at it.

Eddie’s fingers slide away and go back to Buck’s hips, pinning him in place as he pulls off one final time. “I practiced with a toothbrush for this,” he says his voice a little raspy, and Buck has a split-second of realizing what Eddie means right before Eddie deep throats him.

Buck’s ears ring from his orgasm.

Eddie conscientiously licks Buck clean, and Buck has never, ever before been so goddamn grateful that they’re all constantly tested and monitored so that Eddie can do that if he wants.

The fact that he does want makes Buck’s heart do stupid flipping shit it probably has no business doing.

“So,” Eddie says, sitting back on his knees and revealing the _very_ impressive tent in his pants, “You think you can beat that?”

Well, Buck’s sure as hell gonna try.

* * *

Eddie can’t help the hot stir of satisfaction in his gut as Buck takes a few minutes to recover from his orgasm. Admittedly, Eddie had been worried he was a little, ah, rusty, but he did really practice a lot beforehand. He’d figured there would be some kind of skill test even though Lena had assured him auditions only consisted of some test photos and a conversation, and he hadn’t wanted to look like a total newbie.

Besides, he just… wanted to be good, for Buck. Wanted to make it good for him. Hearing and seeing Buck lose his entire mind is the hottest thing that’s ever happened to Eddie, bar none, and if that was just from giving a blowjob he can’t wait to see how it’ll go when they actually try for a home run.

Buck gets to his feet. “All right, your turn.”

Eddie stands as well and starts to undo his pants. “If you think you’re…”

Buck puts his hand on Eddie’s wrist, stilling him. “No, that’s not how this works.”

He steps closer, lips brushing against Eddie’s. “I undo your pants.”

It really is hot in this room, huh?

“I…” Buck slowly pushes down Eddie’s pants. “…take care of you.”

“Take care of me, huh?”

Buck’s fingers are soft, feather-light, as they glide over the cut of Eddie’s hips, down and then up the inside of his thighs, through the soft curling hair around his cock. “See? Don’t rush into it, build up to it. The longer you build… the more time you take…”

Buck swipes his thumb over the head of Eddie’s cock—Eddie’s hips twitch and it takes everything in him to not let them move further—and brings his thumb up to his mouth. He wraps his lips around the tip, sucks, lets Eddie see a flicker of his tongue against the pad of his finger before he pulls his hand back.

“…the more the anticipation winds up the audience,” Buck concludes.

His fingertips trace Eddie’s cock and Eddie can feel his knees turning to water. “What—what next?”

“You push me to my knees,” Buck tells him. “And you let that filthy mouth of yours say whatever you want.”

This man’s going to be the death of him.

He threads his fingers through Buck’s hair and pushes him to his knees, as Buck instructed.

He’s hard, and has been the whole time he was blowing Buck. He’s rather proud of how fast he drove Buck insane, and he’s certain if he did it on camera, he wouldn’t even notice the crew around him. Buck’s loud and enthusiastic, responsive and… beautiful. He’s beautiful.

Ignoring the cameras might actually be easier than he thought.

Buck looks up at Eddie, lips pink and swollen from biting them, his face and neck flushed, and Eddie’s heart thumps painfully. "You have _no_ idea how much I've been thinking about this," he says cheekily, and then he drags his tongue over Eddie's abs.

Eddie kind of can’t believe this is happening.

Buck bites down lightly and sucks. “I wanted to do this the moment I saw you in the stupid locker room. Do you have any idea how hot you are?”

He kisses down Eddie’s happy trail and Eddie gets a little dizzy.

“You’re so fucking gorgeous,” Buck murmurs, like he’s not even really aware he’s saying it out loud. His mouth moves to Eddie’s hipbones and Eddie starts leaking like a fourteen-year-old. “I knew you’d be fantastic.”

He scrapes his teeth over the thin skin there and Eddie realizes he’s panting. Staring down at Buck, hearing Buck say these things, feeling Buck’s talented mouth—who can blame him?

And even though he knows that Buck’s just saying this shit because it’s what they’ll say on camera, even though he knows Buck is just repeating lines he’s said a thousand times and is getting Eddie used to this kind of thing… he wants to believe that Buck means them.

He wants to pretend it’s all genuine.

“You’re not too bad yourself,” he says. In charge, right, Buck says it’s about control for people watching this.

He tightens his grip in Buck’s hair and pushes Buck’s head lower, to Eddie’s aching cock. “Open wide.”

Buck moans and does as he’s told, holding wonderfully still as Eddie slowly feeds his cock into him. He doesn’t give Buck too much—he doesn’t want to hurt the guy—but enough for Buck to get the feel of how this’ll work.

“Keep it slack,” Eddie orders. “Add suction when you’re ready, okay? But don’t try to go too fast, just relax.”

Buck obediently keeps his mouth slack as Eddie shallowly thrusts in, demonstrating for him. He pets through Buck’s hair, soothing him, encouraging him. “Very good.”

After a minute or two, Buck starts to get with the program, bobbing up and down on his own, his hands braced on Eddie’s hips. His mouth is soft, and his technique is simple but good, and it’s been way too long since Eddie was touched, never mind blown. He can already feel his orgasm building in the base of his spine, the base of his cock—there’s no way he’s lasting long.

Buck pulls off, licks the tip of Eddie’s cock, toys with the slit a little. Fast learner. Then he looks up at Eddie, the picture of earnestness, and says, “Can you fuck my mouth?”

Eddie’s mouth is drier than the Mojave. “What?”

“That’s what they have me do to the girls, I hold them still and just, y’know, fuck their mouths.” Buck’s blush goes all the way down to his chest. “I—I’ve always wanted someone to do that to me. Abby, one of my… she sat on my face once and it was amazing, so could you…?”

The way he says it like he’s asking Eddie for a favor instead of offering to give Eddie an extremely hot sexual experience has Eddie wondering who the fuck messed with Buck’s self-confidence and if he can punch them. “Yeah, yeah. I’m going to go a little slower since you’re knew at this, okay? And don’t try to deep throat me, you need to practice that.”

Buck grins at him like Eddie’s given Buck a gift. It makes Eddie’s heart do a weird skip. “Don’t worry, I like it a little rough.”

He licks Eddie’s cock all over like it’s an ice cream cone and then pulls back and takes just the tip into his mouth, looking up at Eddie with a soft submissiveness that has Eddie’s knees weak.

Eddie forces himself to go slow, not to fuck this up, as he begins to slide his cock in and out as Buck stays perfectly still. It’s hard to maintain his self-control, but he manages it, picking up speed bit by bit and never letting himself hit the back of Buck’s throat. Buck hums encouragingly, eyelids fluttering, like he’s entering some state of bliss, some higher plane.

Then Buck shudders, and Eddie looks down—and realizes Buck’s hard again. He’s stroking himself. He’s getting off on Eddie doing this to him.

Eddie’s self-control snaps, just a little.

He holds Buck’s head in place and fucks his mouth like he’s being paid for it (and he will, soon, be paid for it). He’s never done this, not with the only two partners he’s ever been with—he never would’ve dared and honestly the thought never occurred to him. But Buck takes it easily, takes it like he _wants_ it like this, like he likes being used.

 _Talk,_ he reminds himself. People like noises and dirty talk, right.

“God, look at you,” he says. He would normally feel so stupid saying this shit, and sometimes he still does, but he can’t deny that it drives Buck wild and that… that makes it fun. “You’re made for this. I can’t believe nobody got to you before I did, showed you all this. You’re gorgeous on your knees, fuck, your lips, your _mouth_ —”

He speeds up, losing control. “Gonna teach you everything, every guy’s gonna want to be with you when they see you like this— _Buck_ , Jesus Christ—”

Buck comes, an obscene splash that Eddie can almost feel himself, a groan that vibrates around his cock that he _definitely_ can feel, and that’s the final straw.

He can feel himself coming, and Buck must be able to as well, because he pulls off. At first Eddie thinks it’s because, well, swallowing on your first time can be a rather sudden and unpleasant experience (Eddie choked and got some up his nose which was minorly scarring)—but Buck waits until the absolute last second and then wraps his hand around Eddie’s cock and _aims_ it.

Buck’s face gets marked up in white, and if Eddie hadn’t literally just orgasmed, he’d come a second time just from watching that.

For the first time he really understands what Buck meant when he said they were going to be ‘gold’. He doesn’t see how anyone could watch that happen and not pay top dollar to get off to it whenever they wanted.

Buck licks his lips, slow and deliberate, staring up at Eddie with wicked blue eyes. “How’d I do?”

“Good,” Eddie manages faintly. “Really—hold on.”

He finds the coffee table and manages to sit down on it.

“That good, huh?” Buck grins and wiggles his eyebrows.

Eddie bursts out laughing. He feels… light, inside. He always feels lighter around Buck. “We need to get you cleaned up.”

“And get me food, I’m starving.” Buck gets to his feet. “Burgers?”

Eddie grabs some tissues and wipes Buck up. And if he drags his thumb across the curve of Buck’s cheekbone unnecessarily, just because he wants to… that’s his business. “Yeah. Burgers sound great.”

* * *

They get burgers, and that’s great.

By that point Christopher’s finished with school, so they go to pick him up, and that’s better than great.

Christopher is sweet and soft-spoken, just as savage as his dad when it comes to jokes, and the cutest goddam kid that Buck’s ever met. Buck falls in love with him faster than he fell in love with…

And that’s the part that’s not great.

He ends up staying for dinner, somehow, and bedtime, and then next thing he knows Eddie’s passing him a beer and they’re chatting in the kitchen like they do this every day.

“He really is a great kid,” Buck says. “Obviously gets it from his dad.”

“Nah, he’s better than I ever was,” Eddie replies. “Thank you, again, for helping out. I moved out here so Chris could maybe… be with his mom, and then…”

“What happened? You don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to.”

Eddie shrugs. “Nobody really knows, except Lena. And my family of course since I don’t know how I could’ve kept it from ‘em. Shannon, she… she left, when I came back from deployment. I’d been injured. My copter got shot down, we were pinned… I saved most… but not all. And I was in a really bad place because of it. Shannon wanted to move to LA, I couldn’t handle that just yet, so she left in the middle of the night.”

Buck feels a sudden, horrible gratitude that Shannon’s dead, because he doesn’t know that he could be held responsible for his actions if he met her.

“I did my best to raise Christopher but my parents were…” Eddie sighs, takes a swig of beer. “They wanted to take him from me. So I came out here instead. Hoped Shannon would contact us. She never even called Chris, not for three years, but… and she did show up, briefly… I was a mess, she was a mess, it was a mess… and then she got—hit by a car.”

“I’m so sorry.” Buck reaches out, puts his hand over Eddie’s. “I’m so sorry, Eddie.”

“I’m glad I had Lena. She was a bystander at the scene. The only reason I can even talk about all this shit is because of her. She made me see that… some things weren’t as much my fault as I thought they were.”

“Lena’s real good at cutting though bullshit.”

Eddie snorts. “Yeah she is. And she’s more patient than I deserved. She’s been a good friend to me. But… after Shannon was gone I really was all alone with Christopher. I’m not… I’m still not good at asking for help. Ask Lena, ask anyone. But thank you.”

“Hey, I get it.” Buck polishes off his beer. “Asking for help feels like you failed and a lot of people sure make it seem that way when they offer. Like you can’t handle it yourself.”

“Exactly.” Eddie nods, looking relieved and grateful that Buck gets it.

Buck’s heart squeezes tight.

“And I’m sorry about your wife, really.”

“I was angry for a long time,” Eddie admits. “I felt like I fucked up, y’know, going overseas, not being there for Christopher’s first few years. I felt like I didn’t have a right to be angry with her for what she did. And it didn’t help that I felt like… like I had to forgive her, and I had to love her, for Christopher’s sake. But I’ve come to accept that… it was okay not to love her anymore. And, y’know, finding a way to let go of my anger without feeling—without feeling robbed that I never got to confront her on how hurt I felt.”

“Trust me, I get it. You uh. You know Abby? You must know her, her stuff with me is how I got nominated for an AVN this year.”

Eddie nods. “Yeah. Your videos with her were great.”

Buck feels like nails are stuck in his throat. “She uh. She wasn’t just a costar. She was my girlfriend. I was—you would’ve _hated_ me if you’d met me before Abby. I was a dick. I mean—I was a literal porn star, right? I got paid to have sex. And I was still fucking anything that moved. One time I snuck a girl on set and we fucked on one of the beds and Bobby fired me.”

He swallows, unable to meet Eddie’s steady, unflinching gaze. “Athena and Hen talked him back into hiring me, and Abby agreed to do a scene with me, see if she could, uh, get me to behave, y’know? And she—it just spiraled from there, she was amazing. I fell so hard. And I realized why I’d been hooking up with so many people. I was trying to find her. Or someone like her, you know? A partner. And it was amazing, for a few months. But then her mom… she had Alzheimer’s and she passed away. And Abby…”

Fuck, he’s crying. He hates crying over Abby. Not because he hates her (he never did) and not because he loves her (not anymore), but because he hates that she still has power over him, even from thousands of miles away.

“She quit. Went to Ireland, said it was for a month or two. She just never came back. I was really low. Good thing Maddie showed up, it gave me something to focus on, someone else to take care of. But my point is…”

Buck takes a deep breath and forces himself to look Eddie in the eye. “My point is, I know what it’s like to have someone abandon you. To be angry at someone and you can’t confront them. You don’t get closure, you don’t get catharsis. You have to find a way to achieve that all on your own, and it _sucks_. I get it. And I’m sorry you had to go through that, because I haven’t known you for long, but you’re one of the greatest guys I’ve ever met.”

Eddie steps in, takes Buck’s face into his hands, and kisses him.

His fingers are warm on Buck’s throat, his jaw, his cheeks.

He kisses Buck, and that’s all that needs to be said.

“Do you have anywhere to be?” Eddie asks, pulling away barely an inch.

“Nah.” Even if he did, he’d play hooky. Eddie’s more important.

“Then let’s see how well you remember that handjob lesson,” Eddie says, and that’s great, and so not great at the same time, because Buck is in love with today, and with Eddie’s son, and the last thing he needs is to fall for a coworker again.

“Yes please,” he says out loud, because he’s amazing at his job, and being a sucker is a part of that.

* * *

He really needs to stop touching Buck.

He can’t help it. Eddie had no idea how touch starved he was until he started touching Buck, until Buck put his hands all over him, but now he can’t fucking stop. It doesn’t help that Buck’s so… so… so _Buck_. It doesn’t help that Buck gives him a way to get Chris into a better school, that Buck wins over Pepa and Abuela with his _ma’am_ s and his exultations over their cooking, that Buck plays video games with Chris and reads him bedtime stories.

Buck’s too wonderful for Eddie not to touch. And that’s a problem.

Luckily, Buck’s tactile by nature, and if he’s got a problem with how much Eddie touches him, he hasn’t brought it up. There’s no reason for it to mean anything, after all. Buck has sex with people for a living, he’s used to being all touchy. It probably doesn’t hold the same meaning for him anymore.

But it means a lot to Eddie, Eddie who hasn’t held someone in years that wasn’t his son, who hasn’t been held in even longer than that. And it’s just another way that Buck is worming and slip-sliding into Eddie’s heart, past all of Eddie’s defenses, and that… that’s just going to end in disaster.

He’s just another costar to Buck.

And he really needs to stop touching him and acting like he can have what’s off-limits.

“So, what are we doing today?” he asks as he steps into Buck’s apartment. That’s the other thing, how much they’re in each other’s pockets now, Buck over at Eddie’s house whenever he’s not filming.

Eddie’s pretty sure that falling off a cliff isn’t supposed to feel this natural.

“I was hoping,” Buck says, bouncing on the balls of his feet in that way he gets when he’s excited, “that you could, um, teach me… that you could finger me?”

Eddie’s cock is one hundred percent on board for that. So is his everything else, to be honest. “Is Evan Buckley nervous about something?”

“Shut up.” Buck’s face is brighter than a fire hydrant. “I just—it’s really new, okay? We… Abby and I talked about pegging but we never got around to it before she left. I know a couple of my other costars were interested in the idea but I wasn’t really ready to trust anyone like that so soon.”

Eddie’s throat is dry and it’s not from the prospect of sex. “I’m glad you trust me.”

“Hey, man, of course I do.” Buck saunters up, saucy as anything. “And I can’t do it well for you until you do it to me, right?”

Eddie leans in and sinks his teeth into Buck’s bottom lip. Buck seems to like being bitten almost as much as Eddie likes biting. “You’re such a brat.”

“Only because it gets me what I want.” Buck dips his fingers underneath Eddie’s waistband and yeah, he’s kind of got a point, there. “So…” He bats his eyelashes. “Mr. Diaz, you said you were going to show me something special in your bedroom?”

Eddie bursts out laughing so hard he has to hold onto Buck for support.

“You are _never_ gonna make it in this industry if you can’t keep a straight face at those lines!” Buck protests, but he’s laughing too.

“Who writes this stuff?”

“Bobby, Athena, it rotates between a few people, trust me, we’re not trying to win Pulitzers.” Buck tugs him in again and slides his hands up Eddie’s chest to his shoulder. “But hey, we’ll just make sure those kinds of lines aren’t in there, right?”

“What will we say instead?” Eddie asks, and realizes this is the first time he’s really talked about what they’ll do, together, on set. This is the first time he’s spoken about it like it’s a real thing that will happen, like it’s an inevitability.

“How about…” Buck presses them together and slides his thigh between Eddie’s. When he next speaks, his voice is different. Eddie can’t put his finger on how, but there’s something about it that’s just… different, and he knows it’s Buck’s acting voice. “…take me upstairs and make me forget my name.”

Eddie shudders and grabs Buck’s wrists.

They’re upstairs to the loft that holds Buck’s bed faster than he can blink.

“Okay.” He pushes Buck lightly down onto the bed.

“Good, hey, good, audiences love a little rough play.” Buck grins up at him and shimmies out of his pants, shameless. Eddie wonders if Buck was always that way or if he learned that from his profession. “Show me what you got.”

“You know what I’ve got,” Eddie points out, stripping. “You’ve seen it.”

“Nah, I’ve only just scratched the surface.” Buck winks and takes off his shirt, leaving himself bare and golden in the late morning light. He looks like a demigod, like Perseus or Odysseus, before the scars and battles and politics, when they were young and beautiful and blessed.

Eddie crawls up the bed to him, heart in his throat. “When you do this to me, I’m gonna be all fours, that angle will be easier for you.”

“Oh you’re showing off, I see how it is.” Buck wiggles his hips and lightly strokes his cock, gets himself hard, and gestures to the side table. “Lube’s in there.”

Eddie finds it, along with an unopened box of condoms. “Work keeping you busy enough?”

“Yeah, they got condoms there for when we need ‘em. After Abby I didn’t want one night stands, I wanted what I had with her. Only, y’know.” Buck shrugs, his eyes going dark. “Someone who’d love me back. Someone who’d stay.”

Eddie understands that. And he hates the look on Buck’s face. He’s seen it on himself in the mirror too many times.

He slicks up his fingers and stretches out on his side, cupping the back of Buck’s head with the hand that isn’t coated in slick. “C’mere.”

He strokes Buck as he kisses him, matching the movements of his hand to the thrusts of his tongue, and then when Buck’s good and relaxed, he moves lower. Rubs at him, rubs around him, takes his time. Later, another time, he wants to eat Buck out, lick him until Buck’s incoherent and a mess, but they need more prep for that and he’s got to remember to take this one step at a time.

Buck’s squirming for it by the time Eddie slides the tip of his finger in. “Okay, I know I said they like it when you take your time but there’s no cameras right now and I’m about ready to kill you.”

Eddie chuckles. “I think you’re forgetting something.”

“Oh?” Buck starts to pant, his chest heaving up and down in a way that has heat spreading up Eddie’s spine. “What?”

“Nobody gets what they want in those videos until they beg.”

Buck makes a whining, moaning noise that has Eddie’s cock jerking. “Okay, okay, please, please will you finger me, I know you’ll be good at it, you’re always so good at this, please—”

Eddie can’t refuse him when he’s begging. He can’t refuse Buck at all, he’s finding, and it’s very dangerous—but especially not when Buck begs.

“No wonder you were nominated,” he comments as he slides his finger all the way in, curls it, twisting to find just the right angle. “You’re a good actor.”

“If you thought that was my acting,” Buck pants, trailing off into a high whine, “then you’re about to be really disappointed when we actually get on set.”

Something settles inside Eddie, knowing Buck was genuine just now. He clears his throat and hopes nothing shows on his face. “So, take it slow, slower than with a woman. Women have all that natural shit to get them ready for penetration, we don’t, so however long it takes you to work up a girl, double that time for anal.”

“Right.” Buck digs his fingers into the sheets. “When do you—when do you—oh my _God_.”

“You are way more into this than I was my first time,” Eddie notes. “It feels weird at first but then it gets…” He adds a second finger.

Buck’s moan is definitely porn-worthy.

“…it gets good,” Eddie finishes.

Buck spreads his legs wider and digs his heels into the mattress. “Yeah, yeah, remember—fuck okay I’m supposed to be—pretend the camera’s over there, okay? By the bathroom.”

Eddie nods, his throat going a little tight. He can do this. There’s not really a camera there, and it’s with Buck. He can do it. Buck’s got enough confidence for both of them.

“Cheat to the camera while you finger me, okay?” Buck shoves himself down onto Eddie’s fingers. “You gotta— _ah, ah, ah_ —you gotta—make sure the cameras can see everything without acting like you’re actually playing to them. People want it to feel natur—what the _fuck_!”

Eddie grins, his twisting, searching fingers finally striking at the right angle. “That is the prostate. When you do it on me it’s going to feel like a swollen spot, kind of like a bump. Don’t go too hard on it right away, build up, take your time, otherwise it might become oversensitive and hurt.”

He strokes the pads of his fingers against the spot and Buck _writhes_.

Eddie has to admit, he can’t remember the last time he felt a thrill like this. He’s felt for so long like his life was out of control and he was sure that getting into porn was rock bottom, no matter how many times Lena reassured him.

Now he’s feeling like he’s flying, and like he’s grounded, all at the same time as he strokes his fingers in and out of Buck, as he’s _inside_ Buck, and he knows he hasn’t hit rock bottom at all. Maybe he climbed up higher.

Eddie leans down and kisses Buck, the angle he’s at perfect for it, and Buck clings to him, shaking as Eddie continues to stroke him. “Now, if I was going to fuck you, I’d add a third finger.”

He suits the action to the word and Buck whines. “ _Eddie_.”

“Yeah, say my name.”

“Eddie,” Buck repeats, and Eddie doesn’t know why but it has him so goddamn hard. “Eddie, Eddie, Eddie—”

Buck comes all over his stomach and Eddie feels triumphant.

“That,” Buck pants, eyes glazed, “that was—that’s—can we do that in every video? I want that in every video. I’m making Athena add it to my contract.”

Eddie can’t help it—he laughs, sliding down until he’s completely on his side, no longer propped up, and can kiss Buck again. Buck pushes up and flops on top of him, tangling their legs together, his hand cupping Eddie’s face, and it’s—it’s nice. It’s nice in a way he hasn’t had in years. Not since back when he and Shannon were still doing okay, when the good sex made up for the bad communication.

“Missed this,” Buck murmurs.

“Missed what?”

“The after.” Buck shrugs. The corner of his lips quirk up, but it’s not a smile. “In porn you don’t get that, y’know, you come and then we cut to the plumber saying bye and see you next time, or something like that. It cuts to—to way after, a sort of button to the story. Nobody wants to see two people cuddling y’know? And I’m fine with that because I don’t want to cuddle with my costars anyway. But I miss having someone I’d do it with. I miss… just breathing with someone afterwards.”

“Yeah.” Eddie uses his clean hand to stroke his thumb across Buck’s cheek and kisses him again. “I missed that, too.”

 _I don’t want to cuddle with my costars, anyway_. It lodges like a nail in Eddie’s chest. Not big enough to kill, but he can’t pull it out, either.

Buck’s cuddling with him now, though. Does it mean something? Anything?

He let sex stand in for emotions once before, and it only made everything with Shannon more painful in the end. He won’t let that happen again.

Buck kisses him again and then pulls back with a smirk. “All right, turn around.”

“Turn around?”

“You said you were going to be on all fours for your turn.”

Eddie grins and flips over. He’s hard, has been the whole time watching Buck, making Buck orgasm, and he knows it won’t take him long to finish.

He can hear Buck slicking up his fingers, and then jolts in surprise when he feels a kiss to his spine. Then another. Then another.

Buck’s kissing down his spine.

“You’re so good at this,” Buck whispers. “I can’t wait to get you on camera, for everyone to see how sexy you are, _fuck_.”

Eddie doesn’t know how to say how much he likes Buck praising him—how nobody’s ever praised him, everyone’s just criticized him and expected too much of him but Buck—

Buck breaches him and Eddie relaxes into it.

“Ohhh I should’ve done that,” Buck says.

“Relaxed into it? Yeah, but…” Eddie laughs breathlessly as Buck explores in small, tentative strokes. “It was your first time, and it’s instinct to clench up. That’s why I took my time.”

“I want to take my time with you,” Buck murmurs, like he’s not talking about just this sexual encounter, not just now.

Eddie can’t let himself hope.

Buck kisses up his spine to his neck and wraps an arm around Eddie’s chest, holding them together as he strokes them, adds a second finger. “How do you want to do it for filming, hmm?”

“Uh…” Filming? Oh, right, filming. After this there’s no reason not to actually write a scene and film a video. Eddie can’t imagine there’s much more Buck could teach him and he’s as comfortable with Buck as he’s ever going to get.

Too comfortable, frankly.

Buck scissors his fingers and twists them at _just_ the right angle and Eddie sees stars, his mouth falling open. _Fuck_. “You. In me.” _Please_.

“Whatever you want,” Buck says, and once again it sounds like he’s talking about something more than just what’s on the surface of the conversation. He kisses Eddie’s shoulder. “Fuck, you’re gorgeous.”

“Keep saying that and I’m gonna… _fuck_ … get an ego.”

“If anyone deserved a swelled head it’d be you,” Buck jokes and then says, “Oh hey I think I…”

Eddie… doesn’t yelp. No, he does not yelp, because this is not his first time getting his prostate touched. He just… makes a noise. That’s all.

“Yeah, hell yeah,” Buck grins, and then annoyingly avoids the damn spot for the next several minutes.

Eddie really regrets telling him to take his time. And the part about the begging.

Buck places his palm on the small of Eddie’s back and presses him down into the mattress, and twists his fingers again. And again. And again. He’s gone from teasing to relentless, that power that Eddie’s seen in some of the videos, that boldness, and Eddie moans and grinds against the mattress. Fuck, yes, _fuck_ yes, he’s gasping and whispering Buck’s name but he doesn’t care, _can’t_ care, not when Buck’s murmuring _yes, yes, you’re so fucking hot, so good, Eddie, good God I can’t wait to fuck you_.

He curls up on himself a little when he comes, knees digging into the mattress, breath knocked out of his lungs.

And Buck’s right there, kissing him, tangling them together, and Eddie had missed this.

He’s going to miss this, when they film and they’re just costars like everyone else in the studio.

* * *

Eddie’s nervous.

He thought he wouldn’t be. He thought he’d have everything together. But he doesn’t. He’s gone into makeup and wardrobe, declined a fluffer, memorized his lines, been briefed by Chim on cameras and by Bobby on direction and he’s…

He’s nervous.

“Just breathe,” Lena advises him, and then lightly pushes him into view of the cameras.

Eddie walks on, hits his mark, looks up—

Buck’s there.

Buck’s not supposed to be here, he’s supposed to come in from the other room and—

“Nervous?” Buck asks. He smiles, easy as anything, and walks over.

Eddie blows out a breath. He has a line, but it’s prompted by Buck’s line, and Buck’s off script.

He can _feel_ Bobby making silent gestures at Buck behind Eddie’s back.

“Yeah,” he says. “I mean, weren’t you?”

“First time? Yeah.”

Without warning, Buck grabs him and reels him in, forcing Eddie to plant his hand on Buck’s chest to brace. “That’s why you got me, okay? I’ll talk you right through it.”

Before Eddie can say anything in response Buck leans in and kisses him, soft and sure, then moves up Eddie’s jaw.

“Don’t think about the cameras,” Buck whispers. His voice and breath are hot on Eddie’s ear.

“I’m supposed to do shit for the camera,” Eddie whispers back.

“Don’t perform for them. You’re not doing anything for them.” Buck kisses the shell of Eddie’s ear, then just below it. “You’re doing it for me. You’re just being good for me. You’re going to do the things I’ve told you because it’s for me, all right? Not for them.”

His tongue flicks out against the soft skin and Eddie shivers. “Just be good for me.”

Buck pulls back, smirks, and gently hooks his fingers underneath Eddie’s chin. Louder, at a volume the cameras can pick it up, he says, “Don’t you worry, baby, I’ll take good care of you.”

Eddie just barely manages to stifle his laugh.

It helps that Buck leans in and kisses him immediately afterwards.

Eddie melts, pressing in against Buck, sliding his hand up to tangle his fingers in Buck’s hair, massaging at the back of Buck’s neck the way Buck likes. Buck moans a little, not too loud to sound fake but definitely louder than he does when they’re alone, and Eddie goes a little stiff, remembering the cameras—

Buck kisses him harder and brings one hand down to squeeze his ass. “Don’t get in your head,” he whispers.

The cameras might pick it up, who knows, but Eddie doesn’t care quite as much anymore. He won’t be in his head. He won’t be a failure. He’ll be good. Buck said he’ll be good.

He kisses Buck back just as hard as Buck kisses him, follows Buck’s guiding hand on his ass to grind against him. He has no idea how long they do that, but piece by piece Buck licks, sucks, kisses the tension out of him as they grind, slow and easy, like they have all the time in the world.

If Eddie were a betting man—he’s not, but if he was—he’d bet that Bobby (and possibly also Chim) is making frantic and annoyed hand gestures. But Bobby isn’t the one kissing him, it’s Buck, and Buck’s holding onto him like Eddie’s something precious. Something valued.

“Yeah,” Buck encourages, kissing Eddie’s jaw, then his neck, slotting his thigh in between Eddie’s. “Just like that. You’re perfect.”

Shockingly, Eddie believes him.

Buck’s hand moves under Eddie’s jeans slowly, the warm skin against skin contact making Eddie shiver, making him squirm. He wants these clothes off, _now_.

He tugs at Buck’s jeans, undoing them. Buck just laughs, because he’s a bastard who likes to torture Eddie unfairly.

“No, no, we’re not rushing this, not your first time,” Buck murmurs. He strokes through Eddie’s hair, tugs on it, tilts his face to the side.

Eddie knows what Buck’s doing, showing him off for the cameras, but the presence of those cameras doesn’t bother him. Buck always kisses him like this, so it’s normal. And he’s not really able to focus on anything when Buck sucks on his tongue like that.

“What do you say?” Buck asks, pulling back just enough to slowly, button by button, undo the buttons on Eddie’s shirt. “Should we take this to the bedroom?”

Eddie’s so keyed up he doesn’t even care that it’s a cheesy line. He’s straining against his pants, practically panting, and if he has to listen to a few cheesy lines along the way, it’s a price he’s more than willing to pay.

“Yes,” he blurts out, when he realizes Buck’s waiting for an answer with an adorably amused look on his face. “Yeah, okay.”

He wants to drive Buck crazy, loves when he has Buck cursing and begging, but he feels unmoored and Buck’s the only anchor. He has to trust Buck, now.

It’s been a long time since he’s trusted anyone.

Buck pulls him in, kisses him, and slowly pushes Eddie’s shirt off, exposing Eddie’s chest before hooking his fingers into Eddie’s belt loops and tugging him through the space to the very convenient bed.

The space is quiet except for Buck’s murmurs, a soft but steady stream of _great, perfect, yeah, just like that_. It’s constant affirmation and Eddie—he can’t help but drink it in. Give it back in return with _yes, there, Buck_.

He probably shouldn’t be saying Buck’s name, keeping in character, but he can’t find it in himself to care. He’s undressing Buck piece by piece, sliding his hands over the skin like it’s all new, and it—it _feels_ new.

Buck turns, spins him just enough to get him to fall back onto the bed, and sets to work on his jeans. “Gonna take care of you,” he repeats, his voice rough and low, and then he draws Eddie’s cock into his mouth.

Y’know, Eddie sometimes worried about Buck’s over-confidence, but Buck was right about one thing for sure: he is a fast learner. He even remembers the tongue thing Eddie did to him, remembers to play with the balls, to massage the perineum, instead of just sucking on the head. Eddie’s hand slides into his hair and Buck immediately goes pliant, lets his mouth go slack, and Eddie fucks up into it, mouth falling open. His breathing is so goddamn loud, it’s all he can hear, Buck’s mouth is all he can feel.

Buck’s going to fuck him. _Buck’s going to fuck him._ It feels—y’know what it feels like?

It feels like fuck the cameras.

 _Fuck_ the cameras. Eddie doesn’t care about them. He’s going to be with Buck, Buck who took all of this time to make sure he felt comfortable, who asked Eddie to teach him how to sleep with men so he’d be good at it, Buck who praises Eddie and tells him he’s amazing and loves his son and thinks Eddie’s doing a good job, Buck who…

Buck, whom he loves.

Eddie tightens his grip on Buck’s hair in warning and Buck pulls off right before Eddie can come, his fingers rubbing at Eddie’s entrance instead, switching from one type of stimulation to another. He’s a little faster than last time, a little surer in his movements, and Eddie’s reminded that Buck has, indeed, had sex with dozens of women and fingered them all quite satisfactorily. This isn’t entirely new to him.

Buck’s fingers are slick, and Eddie has no idea when Buck got the lube out but he welcomes it, pushes down into it, keeps his hand in Buck’s hair. “Yeah,” he blurts out, _talking, he has to talk_. “Fuck, yeah, that’s good, Buck, really—fuck that’s amazing. Fuck. You’re gonna ruin me.”

“I plan on it,” Buck says, and then he curls his fingers and Eddie’s entire body _jerks_.

Fucking hell, Buck is a _fast_ learner.

Eddie claws at the sheets with his free hand, and honestly, Chim could be right up his nose with a camera right now and he wouldn’t notice. Buck teases like Eddie told him to, avoiding the prostate and only stroking it every so often, enough to keep Eddie on edge, and there’s something about that—about Buck following Eddie’s instructions—that has Eddie getting hotter than the actual fingering.

And Buck keeps. at. it.

He adds a second finger, a third, scissoring them, curling them, slowly but surely touching the prostate more and more until he’s stroking it steadily, on every thrust, and Eddie’s glad he’s not a few years younger or he’d lose it and orgasm right fucking now.

“I’m ready,” he blurts out. “Jesus— _Christ_ , Buck, I’m ready, you can—stop fucking teasing me.”

“Hey, you’re the one who said—” Buck starts, but oh no, Eddie’s not letting him get away with that nonsense.

He hooks Buck’s ankle and flips him, just like he did the other day, their first day, and ends up on top, straddling Buck.

Buck stares up at him looking absolutely _delighted_.

Eddie strokes Buck’s cock slowly and settles himself on his knees, guiding them together.

“Holy fuck,” Buck says faintly, staring as Eddie lowers himself, inch by inch, onto Buck’s cock.

Jeeeeeeesus. It’s been _years_ , and he is—holy shit he needs a second.

He breathes in through his nose and out through his mouth as Buck makes those faint little _ah, ah, ah_ noises that Eddie fucking adores. It’s like Buck’s not even aware that he’s making these noises, and that’s the sexiest thing about it.

 _Fuck_ it’s so good, he feels full, he’s missed this.

Buck looks like he’s seeing God.

“Go ahead,” Eddie whispers. He grins at him. “Move.”

Buck groans and thrust up, and Eddie loses his goddamn mind. He braces on his knees and moves down when Buck moves up, meeting him halfway, and dear fucking _Lord_ he can feel it in his throat, feel _Buck_ in his throat, lighting him up like Christmas and he’s helpless to do anything but move.

“Yeah,” Buck groans, his eyes trained directly on Eddie, his skin flushed all over. “Fuck, yeah, Eddie, you’re—should fuckin’ see you, holy shit—can you come just like this? Need my hand on your cock or can you come just like this for me?”

Eddie groans helplessly. “Like this, like this, if you just—keep up that angle— _fuck_ —”

“Do it, see if you can do it.” Buck shifts just a little and _oh_ , that’s even better, _yes_. “I want—I want to see—”

He’s missed this, fuck he’s missed this, losing his mind with someone he actually trusts, someone who’s not going to turn around and distrust him once the dopamine wears off. If there was any doubt how he felt it’s staring him in the face now, and he’s just in the passenger seat along for the ride.

Movement in the corner of his eye startles him and Buck’s hands fly to his hips, squeeze. “Look at me,” he whispers. “Look at me, Eddie, I want to see you, see me.”

Right, yes, this is about Buck, him and Buck, not about the cameras. Eddie focuses back in—and Buck, as if to illustrate his point, gives an extra-hard thrust.

Eddie lets out a noise he wasn’t even capable of making.

He twists his hips when he thrusts down, wanting to make Buck just as crazy as Buck’s making him, and Buck gives a jerk that makes him lose his balance completely.

Eddie falls forward, hands finding Buck’s, fingers interlocking, and he starts really working himself up and down on Buck’s cock, no finesse left in him. Buck’s mouth falls open and he looks like he can’t even manage any noise.

Their eyes are locked on each other. Eddie couldn’t look away if he tried.

There’s nothing in the room, nothing but the obscene slapping sound of their bodies, nothing but the heat that Buck shoves into him—or maybe he’s shoving it into himself—he doesn’t know anymore, it’s just Buck’s burning blue-rimmed black eyes, his flushed face, his slick parted lips.

He honestly forgets there are cameras.

A strangled sound, some bastard child of a gasp and a moan, escapes him as he comes, painting his stomach and Buck’s.

Buck doesn’t waste a fucking second. As much as he liked Eddie on top, obviously, he rolls them immediately and releases Eddie’s fingers, moving to grip Eddie’s hips instead and hold him in place as Buck _fucks_ him.

Eddie’s oversensitive, his orgasm still clinging to the edges of him, and the way Buck’s fucking him, wild and messy and rough, is making his entire body feel like fire. He is _definitely_ going to figure out a time to return the favor and swap positions but right now he can only hang on for the end of the ride as Buck holds him still and makes him take everything Buck has to give.

As if Eddie had any intention of doing anything else.

Buck fucks him even through his orgasm, and then finally rolls a little to the side, catching himself with one hand braced on the mattress by Eddie’s shoulder.

For a moment, they just breathe together.

* * *

“Please tell me I’m not the only one losing his shit a little,” Chim says.

Hen says nothing but her eyebrows are raised so high they look like they’re about to take off.

“Oh, trust me,” Bobby says, already texting Athena, “you’d have to be blind to miss that.”

“He fell in love, didn’t he,” Maddie says. She’s wearing noise cancelling headphones and has her hands over her eyes.

Chim lifts one of the headphones. “Like a mob stoolie with cement shoes in the Hudson.”

“I’ll tell you this,” Hen says. “Josh is going to have a _field_ day.”

* * *

The sex was great. The film was great. They were, as Bobby said, ‘the next big thing’.

Buck feels like shit.

A knock sound at his door and Buck jumps up with a level of speed that’s pathetic, only to open it and find Maddie standing on the other side.

Maddie cocks her head at him. “You want to talk about what happened today?”

“Nothing happened today.” He stumbles back as she shoves her (very pregnant) way in. “Maddie, what? We did a great scene, everyone said so.”

“Right. A great scene.” Maddie turns, folds her arms. “A scene where you tenderly kissed him the entire time? Where you talked him through it and praised him like you’d been waiting for years? It was like a Harlequin bodice ripper!”

His face feels like it’s on fire. “Christ, Maddie, I was just doing what Eddie needed!”

“You threw the entire script out the window!” Maddie replies. “Don’t you try and tell me that it was just to keep Eddie comfortable, Buck, I know you, I know you too well for that.”

Buck rubs at the back of his neck. “Maddie…”

His sister goes from annoyed and firm to soft and sympathetic far too quickly for Buck’s liking. Shit. It really is written all over his face, huh. “Oh, Evan.”

“Don’t.” He points a finger at her. “Don’t, Maddie, don’t.”

“Honey.” Maddie cocks her head to the side. “You really fell for him, huh?”

“In a few weeks. A month. Like an idiot.”

“No, not like an idiot.” Maddie shakes her head and smiles. “It’s only idiotic if he doesn’t love you back.”

“He doesn’t.”

“Oh?” Maddie shrugs knowingly.

He won’t hope, he won’t hope, he won’t—

“If he doesn’t love you back…” Maddie takes a step towards him. “…then why’d he tell Bobby he wants to work exclusively with you?”

Sex isn’t love. Buck knows that better than almost anyone. Just because he has sex with multiple people, and will keep doing so, doesn’t mean he’s not in love with Eddie. And if Eddie loves him, Buck doesn’t give a fuck if Eddie has sex with other costars for their work.

But.

It has to mean something that Eddie said he only wants to work with Buck, right? Right?

Maddie rolls her eyes fondly. “Lena wouldn’t give me details but she did suggest I should tell you to go get your man.”

Buck’s out of the apartment before she finishes the sentence.

* * *

Honestly, he expected Buck to show up on his doorstep.

When he told Bobby that he would be happy to work for the studio but would only act with Buck, he knew it would get back to Buck. Bobby would tell Athena, who would tell Hen, who would tell Karen, who would tell Chimney, who would tell Maddie, who would tell Buck.

The fact that he knows that is a little concerning. This studio really is like a family.

A totally insane family.

And he knows what this means. That Buck might realize that Eddie… that Eddie has… Eddie is…

But he’s found, over the past few weeks, easing into this, learning from Buck and with Buck learning from him, that he can’t have sex with someone unless he likes them—unless he has a genuine emotional attraction. He wants to do this, but he can only do it with Buck, and honestly if this is the only way he can have Buck…

He’s willing to have only a counterfeit piece of him. He’ll make do with that.

Buck smiles sheepishly when Eddie opens the door. “Hey. Um. You free to talk?”

“Yeah.” Eddie steps outside and closes the door behind him. Christopher’s inside doing homework and he doesn’t want this overheard. “I’m sorry.”

“…sorry?” Buck looks, oddly, upset. No, more than upset. Devastated. “Oh. Oh. So—so you—you know.” He nods, rubs at the back of his neck. “I thought… yeah. It was stupid, what I thought.”

What he thought? Is Buck upset because now he and Eddie can’t be friends? It’ll be awkward between them? “…right.” Eddie swallows. “Look, if you don’t want to work with me, I—I understand.”

“No, no, you need this job, Eddie, I would never—”

“Yeah but I’m not gonna—I’m not going to make it awkward for you. You don’t…” Eddie swallows. “You don’t feel the same way.”

Buck stares at him for a long moment. His eyes are red. And Eddie, oddly, feels bad. Like he did something wrong. He took away a new coworker, a friend, that Buck had. He failed someone. Again.

Eddie turns away, his chest tight. “I’ll let Bobby know I’ve changed my mind.”

“You’re beautiful,” Buck blurts out.

From anyone else, it might sound like a line, especially a line said to a man, but when Buck says it—it sounds like it’s sacred.

“I begged Bobby to let me at you.” Buck’s voice cracks a little. “Pretty sure I’ve used up any chance at favors I have for at least a year. And I told myself it was just—it was just physical because after Abby I couldn’t—but you’re something special and I knew it even if I didn’t want to let myself think it and I hated you for it for about a day and then I was just—I never thought you’d say _yes_ to my stupid idea and then you _did_ and I was ready to do just about anything to have any—any piece of you.”

Oddly enough, Eddie’s stuck on the first part. “You begged Bobby to be paired with me?”

Buck flushes and looks down at the ground. “Yeah.”

Eddie steps forward. “You’re apologizing because you think I don’t love you back.”

Buck’s head jerks up so fast Eddie winces on his behalf. “Am—am I wrong?”

Eddie steps forward again. “Very wrong.”

He takes Buck’s face in his hands and kisses him, slow and slick, and Buck inhales like it’s the first breath he’s taken in years. His arms come around Eddie’s waist, holding them together, and Eddie—

Eddie knows he did something right.

* * *

“Evan Buckley!”

Buck winces. His sister’s voice is very loud and very piercing when she wants it to be. “Hey, Maddie…”

“Don’t you _hey Maddie_ me!” Maddie, little Joy Evelyn Han in her arms, storms up to him. “What is this I’m seeing on Instagram? Huh?”

Buck knows exactly what she’s talking about but wonders if maybe he can get away with playing dumb. “Yeah, Eddie won best newcomer! He was totally convinced he wouldn’t win, you should’ve seen the look on his face—”

“I’m not talking about Eddie winning and I’m not talking about _you_ winning either,” Maddie replies. “I’m talking about how you two apparently got married!? In Vegas!?”

Look, when you and your boyfriend have both just won awards at the equivalent of the Oscars in your profession, you’re in Las Vegas, and all expenses are paid, things happen. Like tequila. And room service. And questionable life choices at two in the morning in wedding chapels.

“Um…” There’s really no getting out of this one. “Yeah, yeah we got—we got married. It was kind of a spur of the moment decision and I know Eddie’s gonna want to do it over again so Chris is there, but uh. Y’know. We wanted something just for the two of us.”

They have sex with each other in front of cameras, broadcast online for anyone to look at so long as they’ve got the money for it. And Buck has sex with multiple people. He hasn’t had what most people would consider to be privacy in five years.

That night, though, on the strip, and holding hands in the chapel, exchanging soft, earnest words—and later, in bed in the hotel room, twisted in the sheets, whispering into the hollow of each other’s throats and the secret curves of each other’s ears—that’s all just for them. Nobody else saw it, or will see it, ever. It’s theirs alone.

Maddie goes from raging to tearful in 0.2 seconds. It’s kind of terrifying and Buck has to wonder if post-pregnancy hormones are a thing. “Oh my God, Evan, I’m so happy for you!”

She hugs him, careful of her baby, and Buck tentatively hugs her back. “Thanks, Maddie. And we will have a proper wedding with you guys. I promise.”

“You’d better.” She pulls back and smiles at him, wiping at her eyes. “I do mean it, Buck. I’m happy for both of you.”

“Thanks.” He can’t help but add, “You did get one thing wrong, though.”

“Oh?”

Buck’s face hurts from smiling. “It’s Evan Diaz, not Evan Buckley.”

The punch Maddie gives him in the arm is _so_ worth it.


End file.
